this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
