Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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