I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
only if we run a train.
done.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
