don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
