I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
