Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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