she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Actions speak louder than pants.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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