I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
NoShamevember. You game?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
