I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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