can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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