Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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