I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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