I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
