just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
