I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
