Midget sex pt 2 tonight
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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