Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
