Got a toothbrush?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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