Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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