I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
