dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
