I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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