She's JV to your varsity
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
