Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
