Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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