Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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