areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
