i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
