Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Randomize
