Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Holy sore nipples Batman
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
