Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
