My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
