i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
