so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize