I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize