His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Who died my cat blue again?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
