You really coming over, don't trick.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just blew my weed a kiss
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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