is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize