a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
