she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
