Who wears a wallet chain?!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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