the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
