omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
