oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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