u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
