I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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