I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
