i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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