Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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