I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
