he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
PANTIES FOUND
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
