i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
