oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
