Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize