see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
