Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
