Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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