Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
