she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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