When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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