Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
