Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
