just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize