If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I am one with the molecules
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
