garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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