Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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