I need help removing her.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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