if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
