what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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