remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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