If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
