And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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