Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
