ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
