she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
