dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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