thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
