good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
