they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize