never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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